May 8, 2013

Infertility Sucks

I have debated so much on wheter I should post this or, not but it's my blog,and I blog for myself so I'm just going to put it out there.

I've been some what private about this situation.Only a small handful of people know what we have been going through so I'm just going to put it out there. 

The more people that know, the more unsolicited advice you tend to receive, and trust me I've had plenty of it. The main one I hear is,"Just quit trying and you will have a baby." "So and so quit trying, and they were pregnant the next month." Oh how I wish that statement were true. Of all the unsolicited advice, that is the one that pisses me off more then anything.

It will also give some insight as to why my poor little blog has been neglected lately.

I know tons of women struggle with infertility and have had a much harder time then what I am going through, but it's still my struggle and it doesn't make it any easier at times.

We have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now and never would have thought we would be experiencing this struggle after already having a child.

Ever since I had Jayla my body has been out of whack and my doctor could never tell me what the issue was. He would always just shrug his shoulders and hand me a script for a years worth of birth control. All the issues went away while I was on birth control but you can't have a baby while taking it. 

The first year of trying my body seemed to be ok and didn't have any issues but we still weren't getting pregnant but then it a took a turn. The issues were back with a vegence and I put off going to the doctor for so long. I really didn't want another shrug of the shoulder and him not even trying to figure out what was going on. I don't think I was even ready to find out. I was scared as to what it could be. Ignorance can be bliss sometimes.

I finally went and saw another doctor in December. He walked into the room and pretty much knew what was going on and had a game plan from looking at my past medical records. He started asking me questions, told me what was going on, and it all made so much sense. He said I have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I broke down at the news. It was such a huge relief to know what was going on and to finally have answers after everything I had been through.(I will spare you the details of the issues, it's a bit TMI)

He put me on hormones for a month and if we weren't pregnant in 3 months to come back in and see him.

The hormones helped the issues alot. There was signifiant progress made but we weren't quite there yet.

Last month was the 3 month mark. No pregnancy yet so I went back to my doctor and did another week of hormones and he gave me script for Femara to help me ovulate.

The hormones(Provera, just in case you were wondering) that he puts me on are crazy! I have it so much! I'm moody, tired, and it makes me feel depressed. I know it's the medicine so my mind and body are waging a constant war with each other. I just can't snap out of it. I pretty much kind of check out from life.

I just finished the round of Femara last night and I hope it's the only round I have to do. It was almost as bad as the Provera but add in some pain. My body just hurt on that stuff. I felt so stiff. 

This whole infertility crap is for the birds. Sometimes I wonder if all the crap I'm going through is even worth it. I take a look at Jayla and instantly know it is. What I am having to go through is nothing compared to the reward I will have for the rest of my life. Jayla also desperatly wants to be a big sister and I think she would make a great one!

I've had my bad my days with this whole situation but it is what it is and I know we will be blessed with a baby when the time is right. All I can do through this is just have faith and treasure the moments I have with Jayla.

So with everything that has been going on in everyday life and this situation I just haven't had the energy or the desire to blog. Hopefully I will feel normal again soon and be back to a regular blogging schedule. I do miss it.




  1. My husband and I have just passed the year mark. I HATE IT when people (who love me, but don't know what's going on) say, "Oh! You should have one of these!" No duh.

    Good luck!
    Jordan @ Let Them Eat Paste

  2. I sympathize with your pain and frustration. I am to the point of almost relishing the looks on peoples' faces when they ask me why I don't have kids and I tell them I'm infertile. But deep down, it is the hardest emotion and mental struggle I have gone through.

    I have been trying (without medical assistance mind you) for almost 10 years. It's as if it truly is God's plan for me not to experience that joy of ever having my own child. So for those that say, "Just quit trying and you will have a baby" can just shove it! And we are such late bloomers in life (now 40) that I wonder if we will even still be able to adopt once we are able to financially.

    I think I've almost resolved myself to being those crazy dog people that treat their dogs like children...cause we never could have any of our own.


  3. I understand what you're going through. I had trouble getting pregnant with my 1st due to pcos and not ovulating regularly. I'm hoping the medications help you!

  4. Provera is evil evil evil. I've had to take it to make me start my period after 6 months of not having one. I know your struggle. Took four years with the first and second. I know how hard it is to be where you are. You hate your body and feel betrayed by it. I got to the point where I was secluding myself from friends with kids. It was a dark time in my life.

  5. Hugs to you! I am hoping you get some good news soon!

  6. I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this! Love you girl and hope you don't have to go thru this much longer.

  7. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. I can definitely understand why you haven't been up for blogging lately. While I can't really understand what it's like, one of my worst fears is that someday I will have trouble getting pregnant. And just that thought freaks me out. So I'm sending positive vibes your way, and hoping you get some good luck!